Tuesday
Oct282008
Let's all laugh at Tottenham: 10 Spuds jokes - can you do better?
24 hours to go before we all find out if the 'Arry effect can inspire Tottenham - the Premier League's strongest club - to put in a decent performance against Arsenal.
Why the strongest club,you ask? Well, because they are holding up the other 19.
Anyhoo, ahead of the first North London derby of the season, here are the top 10 Spuds jokes us Addicts have heard in the last few days. If you have heard any others, be sure to share them here...
- Madonna is the new favourite to be the next manager of Tottenham Hotspur... she's managed to keep clean sheets for the last 18 months.
- Haringey council has blocked Tottenham's plans to build a new ground on Northumberland Park. A town hall source said: "We don't mind having a funfair there once a year, but a circus every fortnight is a bit much."
- "I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make 'Tottenham Hotspur Football Club'. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth five points."
- A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to live. "What about your parents?" asks the social worker. "No, they beat me," says the boy. "What about your grandparents?" says the social worker. "No, they beat me even harder!" says the boy. "Well ... where do you want to stay then?" replies the social worker. "Tottenham," says the boy. "They don't beat anyone.
- * Q. What do Tottenham football and an online casino have in common?
A. Nothing. At an online casino they win once in a while! - Harry Redknapp, shortly after his first training session, comments to the head groundsman at White Hart Lane how impressive the pitch is looking. "It ought to," replies the groundsman. "We put 70 million quid's worth of manure on it every week."
- After leaving San Siro, Jose Mourinho was asked if he was going to help Spurs get out of their slump. He turned around and said, "No way, I ain't that special".
- A man was found dead floating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family embarrassment.
- Redknapp walks into a Burger bar and says, "I want two whoppers". The guy serving says, "OK,.... you will get into the top four and you will win the FA Cup!!"
- David Blaine was gutted to hear that his record of 48 days in the box doing absolutely nothing has been broken by Darren Bent.
GM
Reader Comments (23)
Tottenham's back four are forming a new boy band.... Goals Allowed!
British Rail have announced that no trains will be going to White Hart Lane due to a total points failure
Whats the difference between bottenham and a bucket of shit.... the bucket
Whats the difference between a cactus and White hart lane?
The Pricks are on the outside on a cactus
A tourist in North London asked if there was any local football on, the local replied that unfortunately Arsenal were playing away but Bottenham were at home. The local gave him directions but gave him a word of warning, "join the shorter queue as the longer one is for the chip shop"
Once relegated, it is expected Spurs will relocate their stadium back in time to 1820's Manhattan. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Points,_Manhattan
Daneil Levy contacted Richard Bransen to enquire weather they could strike a kit sponsorship agreement. But straight away Bransen declined saying “how can i watch spurs play with words VIRGIN on the front of their kit, when i watch u lot get F*CKED every week“ hahahaha!
A young lad gets tenner for his birthday & rushes down to the sports shop to buy a new football.
He chooses a ball and gives to the shop assistant,sorry son this ball is £20 and you only have £10.
The boy said "if i can name the team on any ball in the shop whilst blind folded then can i have it for a tenner"
The assitant agrees and gives the boy an Arsenal ball
"I can hear canons blasting so it must be an Arsenal ball",
next hes given a Millwall ball, "I hear lions so it has to be a Millwall ball"
amazed at this the assistant says "get the next one right and you can have it for nothing"
the boy listens & says Spurs, the man says you heard a cockeral right, no the boy says Its going down!
A player asked the groundsman why he was planting potatoes on the pitch? he replied "so we got something to lift at the end of the season!"
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Tottenham fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
did you here Juande Ramos was clocked doing 160mph on the M1 coming back feom stoke?......................................Apparently he was desperate for the points hahahahaha!
Good news for Spurs' fans at last!
They've just built a roof on the away end at Blackpool.
An Arsenal van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Tottenham fan he would see walking down the side of the road. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud 'THUMP' and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over.
He asked the Priest “Where are you going, Father?”
”I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road” replied the priest.
”No problem Father! I'll give you a lift! Climb in!”
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a
Tottenham fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the spud However even though he was certain he had missed him, he still heard a loud 'THUD.'
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said I'm sorry Father, I almost hit the Tottenham fan.
"That's okay replied the priest. I got him with the door!
Arry can't go to work on saturday, apparently he has a bad side!
A Chelsea fan, a Newcastle fan, a Tottenham fan, and an Arsenal fan are climbing a mountain.
On the way to the top, each is arguing about how loyal they are to their team and what they would do for that team. As the climb gets higher, the wagers increase.
Upon reaching the top, the Chelsea fan shouts, "This is for Chelsea !!!" and hurls himself off the top of the mountain. Next the Newcastle fan yells, "I love Newcastle ... This is for you my Geordie Boys !!" and he, too, jumps off the top.
Suddenly, the Arsenal fan screams, "This is for EVERYONE!!" and pushes the Tottenham fan off.
Four surgeons are taking a tea break:
First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
Second surgeon says, "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon says, "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."
Fourth surgeon says, "I prefer Tottenham fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and arses are interchangeable."
What does a chewing gum and Tottenham have in common?
They both stick to the bottom of the table.
THFC really stands for "tottenham heading for the championship"
lol
What has been penetrated more than a Spurs whore?
Spurs' defense.
Three soldiers are captured by the enemy. They are told they will be executed at dawn. One's an Arsenal fan, and he's got a plan: "There are many earthquakes in this part of the world. When they're ready to shoot, I'll yell, 'Earthquake!' They'll all run for cover, and I'll run to safety." So at dawn, they lead him out, and the commander of the firing squad says, "Ready! Aim! ... " And the Arsenal fan yells, "Earthquake!" The squad runs for cover, and the Arsenal fan runs to safety. Now the commander is mad, but he's still got two prisoners to execute. So he leads the second prisoner out. He's a West Ham fan, and he thinks, "I can't yell, 'Earthquake,' they'll get suspicious. I've got to yell something else." The commander says, "Ready! Aim! ... " And the West Ham fan yells, "Tornado!" The squad runs for cover, and the West Ham fan runs to safety. Now the commander is really mad, but he's still got one prisoner to execute. So he leads the third prisoner out. He's a Tottenham fan (have I telegraphed this punchline enough yet?), and he thinks, "I can't yell, 'Earthquake' or 'Tornado,' they'll get suspicious. I've got to yell something else." The commander says, "Ready! Aim! ... " And the Tottenham fan yells, "FIRE!"
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how can arsenal make jokes about tottenham not winning trophies when the most recent trophy won out of the two was by tottenham?? great logic......
bye bye van persie - arsenal have officially gone from a one man team to a no man team.
good luck with your bench warmer signings and your miserable frog looking manager you fake wannabe north londoners.
message for roy - dont put 'lol' after your own jokes mate the whole point of telling jokes is for other people to laugh at you stupid desperado of a man.