Arsenal News
Arsenal News

Arsenal News


Let's all laugh at Tottenham: 10 Spuds jokes - can you do better?

24 hours to go before we all find out if the 'Arry effect can inspire Tottenham - the Premier League's strongest club - to put in a decent performance against Arsenal.

Why the strongest club,you ask? Well, because they are holding up the other 19.

Anyhoo, ahead of the first North London derby of the season, here are the top 10 Spuds jokes us Addicts have heard in the last few days. If you have heard any others, be sure to share them here...

  • Madonna is the new favourite to be the next manager of Tottenham Hotspur... she's managed to keep clean sheets for the last 18 months.
  • Haringey council has blocked Tottenham's plans to build a new ground on Northumberland Park. A town hall source said: "We don't mind having a funfair there once a year, but a circus every fortnight is a bit much."
  • "I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make 'Tottenham Hotspur Football Club'. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth five points."
  • A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to live. "What about your parents?" asks the social worker. "No, they beat me," says the boy. "What about your grandparents?" says the social worker. "No, they beat me even harder!" says the boy. "Well ... where do you want to stay then?" replies the social worker. "Tottenham," says the boy. "They don't beat anyone.
  • * Q. What do Tottenham football and an online casino have in common?
    A. Nothing. At an online casino
     they win once in a while!
  • Harry Redknapp, shortly after his first training session, comments to the head groundsman at White Hart Lane how impressive the pitch is looking. "It ought to," replies the groundsman. "We put 70 million quid's worth of manure on it every week."
  • After leaving San Siro, Jose Mourinho was asked if he was going to help Spurs get out of their slump. He turned around and said, "No way, I ain't that special".
  • A man was found dead floating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family embarrassment.
  • Redknapp walks into a Burger bar and says, "I want two whoppers". The guy serving says, "OK,.... you will get into the top four and you will win the FA Cup!!"
  • David Blaine was gutted to hear that his record of 48 days in the box doing absolutely nothing has been broken by Darren Bent.

Got any Sp*rs jokes? Let's all laugh at Tottenham (UPDATED)

Tottenham have proved yet again that they are the strongest team in the Premier League by propping up the other 19 clubs, so as the classier half of North London revels in being top of the table, let's spare a moment or two (or hopefully several months) to have a joke at the expense of the Spuds.

* What does THFC stand for?

Tottenham Heading For Championship.

* Premiership:

1. Arsenal 12 pts

20. T*tt*nh*m 2pts


* What do Sp*rs and a toothpick have in common?

They both have 2 points....

*In fact, whats the difference between Sp*rs and a triangle? A triangle has 3 points.

* What do the Premier League and a cowboy have in common?

They both have spurs at the foot.

* Q. What do Tottenham football club and an online casino have in common?

A. Nothing. At online casino they win once in a while!

* All trains through WHL have been cancelled due to a massive points failure
* Q. What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Sp*rs fan in the road?

A. The dog has skid marks before it!


Send us your T*tt*nh*m jokes and we'll add them to this post.


Gooners - Play Fantasy T*tt*nh*m Chairman

Well, it was another sorry night in North London last night with the T*ttenh*m Army left disappointed again when their expensively assembled side recorded their third defeat in four Premiership matches.

It’s all SO predictable, isn’t it?

Poor old T*tt*nh*am – yet another summer of crowing that they would usurp the red and white half of North London, they’ve now had their worst start in 35 years and worst in the Premiership.

Poor old D*vid B*ntley, who saw his place in the England team taken by Theo Walcott and couldn’t even make the starting XI for his club team last night. That'll teach him.

And to make it worse, after their despicable treatment of former coach Martin Jol, the Dutchman must have a wry smile on his face this morning after noting that not only was his Premiership record better than that of Juande Ramos, but that his current team, Hamburg, happen to be sitting pretty at the top of the Bundesliga.

So, what better excuse than to play Fantasy Daniel Levy and help our poor cousins out of their stupor.


Video: If Arsenal are looking for a free kick expert, how about Remi Gaillard?

Apologies if you have already seen this, but it's just too good not to share.

Remi Gaillard is a French comedian who loves to spoof big sports campaigns. In the past he's taken the mickey out of Nike's Put It Where You Want it commercials, made famous by Wayne Rooney and this time he's gone one step better with his free kick expertise.

So if you're reading this Arsene, and looking for someone who can both entertain the crowd, plus take over the mantle of free-kick specialist, then maybe French scout Gilles Grimandi can track down Remi's number for you.

Enjoy the video!


Why did you become a Gooner?

If you were born or brought up in or around London or your family are dyed in the wool Arsenal fans, then this article probably isn't for you. But if like myself you were raised in another country, there's probably an interesting story behind why you became a Gooner.

Being the Addict that I am, I now live in Highbury and I can easily walk to Emirates Stadium within a few minutes - a privilege that makes me smile every day.

But I was born and brought up in Scotland so I’m often asked why I support the Gunners and I’m the first to admit it’s a totally random reason.

As a youngster, it was the done thing to support the local team (mine being Dundee United), but also an English team. Most of my school friends chose the obvious winning teams - Manchester United and Liverpool - at the time (it was the 1970s). My big brother chose ManUre, but something told me that there was something inherently evil about being associated with the Red Devils and I was determined to find another team to follow.

Cue Super Mac's arrival at Arsenal and one of the weekly football magazines - I think it was Shoot, but it may have been Scoop - marked the occasion by giving away a pennant of Malcolm Macdonald in his new Arsenal colours. Random perhaps, but the pennant instantly found itself pinned to my wall and I proclaimed myself a Gooner.

That was 1976 - a few years before I started following Dundee United, so although I didn't actually get to attend my first match at Highbury until 2000, technically the Arsenal have now been my club for more than 30 years. In that time I've seen people from my home town go from quizzical looks when I announce my allegiance, to looks of envy as a result of the beautiful football the Gunners now play under Arsene Wenger.

I’m still the only Gooner of my age group who comes from my home town, but when I return now to visit, I’m not alone in wearing Arsenal colours.

I'm now a season ticket holder and a resident of Islington, so I know that I'm very lucky indeed compared to the vast majority of Arsenal fans. The season ticket waiting list is full and the club has more than 160,000 registered members, while countless millions of admirers live outside of London and overseas, knowing that in all likelihood they might never get to see their heroes play live in the flesh. But that doesn't make them any less important a supporter.

So for all of you fellow Addicts, whoever and wherever you might be, if you have a tale about why you started supporting the Arsenal, share it here. And if you're not in England, give us the details of where you're based - you never know you might find some like-minded souls living nearby with whom you can form a supporters club.